hold on...

I was convinced just a week ago that removing myself from my life (physically) would be a true escape from the riff raff going on back there. False.

It's all in my head really, and I happened to pack that along with me. Although my mind is reeling with the same noise it was not too long ago,  being removed from the monotonous drone of my daily task list (what life has become) is good. Good, because I can't remember the last time I had to THINK... or LEARN for that matter. In the last few days, I've tried foods I've never had before, mapped out vocab I can't seem to master the tonnage for, and communicate with people who can't understand a thing I'm saying. It goes to show that we're meant to grow continuously, part of the dissatisfaction I'd been experiencing back home is due to the plateau I've reached. 


That tells me that it's time for some CHANGE.


CTRL + ALT + DELETE

These three keys allow you to stop what you're doing, and reboot your computer. I earned my opportunity to design my life to be exactly the way I want it.

I sat in the chairs, I did the mental exercise, why is it that a year later I'm in a position I'm unhappy with, living a life I don't want?

...something isn't adding up. Somewhere between graduation and now, I've rerouted and completely missed the target. Worse yet? I don't even know what my target is at the moment...boy do I have my work cut out for me.


This small break from my life is the marker of my new reboot. Here we goooo.

20/20

Oh my gosh...

Blogger saves unblogged posts as well, and I just found tons of unposted material amongst all my posted updates. I'll uncover these, they're rather good, just...incomplete.


I'll take a stab at finishing them, the timing might just be off, but the concepts...they're all relative.

2011. 

accomplished.

A year highlighted above all other years, I was to experience a milestone.  This was the year I intended to graduate and go out into the world as an adult. For a girl who was raised to value education over any other matter, graduating was the purpose of my existence; 2011 was my year to shine, and I did. 

When I started college back in 2007, I envisioned what my graduated 22 year old self would be like. Obviously some of her characteristics were very far fetched  such as growing taller (at least 5'5) and too idealistic (being engaged by graduation) but she was someone I wanted to be able to look up to.

 She was supposed to be successful, confident, happy, positive, and headstrong. Granted I am still not tall enough to be a super model and I am leaps and bounds away from having a ring on it, I can't say I am disappointed with who I came to be.

-----

The experiences I gathered in between sleeping in lectures and staying up all night writing papers molded me in ways I could never have imagined. While we go through trials in life, it's easy to look up at the sky and just curse the stars. In hindsight, however, our vision becomes 20/20 and we are able to see what we'd gained from the FML moments, and how much better our lives are because of it. With this realization, it's obsurd to me to ever regret anything in life. Life plays out a certain way for a reason, I trust that every challenge or hiccup I experience in life will amount to something positive.

This isn't always how I've felt, and it's quite liberating to have reached this conclusion. I tended to wallow in what as and what could have been, and I used to resent the relationships I had and used my past as an reason for certain behaviors.  I am now able to relinquish my grasp of the past and charge forward.



I know this isn't where I was originally going to drive this entry...but it's the best I can do.

it's what you make of it

"You'll never be happy." She gazes into my shocked eyes as she says this. "You're always going be looking for bigger and better. This applies to your career, love life, all aspects of your life."

I sit across from her with my palm faced up just awe-struck by what she said, my insides churned confirming the validity of her statement. Deep down, this wasn't about whether or not I believe her, I knew this is true. I was fully aware of the dark energy I'd been carrying, it was the very thing that compelled me to go in. I thought she'd give me something to hope for, something concrete to look forward to, instead she tells me that this is it. This level of fml will be a constant for the rest of my life. 

Life is 10% of what happens to you 90% is how you react to it. 

I could wallow in what this woman said, and spend the rest of my life with the self fulfilling prophecy, or I could take this as a wake up call, make it my turning point and never revisit such a level of dispare again. 

I'm going to take this and run with it. I leave two weeks from today, to travel a new foreign land and reconnect with family I haven't seen in 5 years. I plan to step over my comfort zone thresholds and do some soul searching while I'm free of my Minnesota lifestyle. This time away will be my escape from the restraints of pressure, work, stress, and other distractions. 

I'm going to clear my head of everything that I've been taught, let go of the reigns and see what happens. Everything will fall into place, I know of it.

Things have already improved immensely and I know it will continue to do so. 

Remember, when you hear bad news, or something does not go your way: Trust that there is a reason, and most importantly, use that as fuel, or the springboard that will push you towards better. 

Don't Ever.

Don't ever try to understand everything -
    some things will just never make sense.

Don't ever be reluctant 

    to show your feelings - 
    when you're happy, give in to it!
    When you're not, live with it.

Don't ever be afraid to try to
    make things better - 
    you might be surprised at the results.

Don't ever take the weight of the world 
    on your shoulders.

Don't ever feel threatened by the future - 
    take life one day at a time.

Don't ever feel guilty about the past - 
    what's done is done
    Learn from any past mistakes you might have made.

Don't ever feel that you are alone - 
    there is always somebody there for you to 
    to reach out to.

Don't ever forget that you can acheive
    so many of the things you can imagine - 
    imagine that!  It's not as hard as it seems.

Don't ever stop loving.
    don't ever stop believing,
        don't ever stop dreaming your dreams.

--Laine Parsons 

she's baaaack

Cruisin' Lake Minnetonka, one of the most memorable experiences I'll ever have.

Yes, you've heard right. After a 6 month hiatus and a reminder from a good friend, I decided that it be time I return to the blogging world and jot down my insights once again. I'm a little rusty but there's no better time than the present to start anew. 

I've felt so distanced from my true self these last six months. 

Luckily, there's no where to go but up. 

Stay tuned for more blog posts as I venture through life's tribulations and attempt to live life to the fullest. 

Goodnight