oh, bring it.

Just as I was writing about entering the arena, life threw me in for a loop; I was hurled into the gladiator stadium of an arena when I was only prepping for the metronome. 

I have always had a love for teaching, and I am very grateful for the opportunity given to me by Children's Home to do so for the past year. Although we've had many differences, our objective was shared and it took nearly no time at all for me to fall in love with the subjects of my cause. I recognize that although the environment itself was not a good fit, the work I committed day in and day out is exactly what my purpose here is. Finally, after months of seeking other opportunities to no avail and expressing a strong interest in moving on, I am taking the plunge....without any safety nets. This is one of the most risky and seemingly foolish decisions I have ever made, and I find that absolutely exhilarating. The consistent safe player in me is silenced because I've come to realize that the risk taker  reaps many more benefits. I have failed so many times, and in various ways. Though it seems like I am driving right into hardship, I feel like it's needed. 

Knowing that a month from now my life will be entirely different is exciting to me. 

A girl who is "the planner" or "the foreseer" is taking a blind leap into her next chapter. 

That, is growth.

Yes, I'm scared. But it's a healthy fear. 

I'm going to rock my life, no matter which arena I am entering. 

May the odds be ever in your favor

This is where you face your fears, insecurities, and lies you've told yourself growing up. You go in feeling unarmed and exposed to any threat that could possibly come your way. The battle scars attained make you much stronger, and the lessons learned shape your view of life and the world. 

This is the arena. 

We've climbed in and out of the arena throughout our lives. Most of us figure out ways to avoid          re-entering this battlefield after being scarred and burned. However, what we don't realize is how detrimental our mechanisms of avoidance can be. We choose to sit out of experiences that could bring us true happiness. We become incapable of communicating and relating to people around us. We choose failure over the possibility of succeeding, because choosing to fail and doing so while committing our greatest efforts are very different. We detach ourselves from anything that could evoke feelings both positive and negative, therefore numbing ourselves to make ourselves appear 'stronger'. 

Lastly, we isolate ourselves, creating our own loneliness. 

Who's the enemy then? The world isn't working against us. 

We are. 

The best part about this, is that when you're the problem, 

best believe that you are the solution.

Admittance into the arena is inevitable despite your best defenses. 

Go in there, and play offense. 

The magic that happens as a result will be better than anything you could even imagine.

Lastly,

May the odds be ever in your favor

warm wishes

Don't just count your blessings. 

Feel them, appreciate them and remember that you could lose them in a heartbeat. 

Thanksgiving is a beautiful holiday, I think of it as the opener of the holiday season line up. Cooking with my cousins and eating with my family essentially recreates those Saturdays that made up some of my most treasured childhood memories.  I used to have holiday like Saturdays where my family would gather, eat and enjoy each others company. Thanksgiving wasn't really celebrated at the time, but every Saturday was a form of thanksgiving for me. I remember consistently having moments where I would look up into the sky and just FEEL blessed. Now that times have changed and we're all a bit older, our Saturdays are no longer dedicated to getting together and Thanksgiving is larger than life, this holiday is the one that binds. I am so excited to be with my extended family, thrilled to have so much MORE to be thankful for this year, and I am ready to take it all in. 

One thing I'm keeping in mind is 

that there are 364 other days this year that one could sit and reflect on blessings in life. 

Thanksgiving is highlighted, however it's important to always appreciate what you're given. 

Warm wishes to all the world,

ann

I choose to be happy

                                  http://ngocbichvu.blogspot.com/ Behold, my happiness project.

Born just last October, this project started with great momentum with my "Now or Never" resolution and eventually tapered off with the challenge of my second resolution: Tackling Vulnerability.

One of my process goals was to find a new intention for this year. Ironically, my intention last year was my first resolution, and the intention for this year is my second resolution. Maybe resolutions aren't achieved in the short months or weeks, maybe each should be dedicated a year? I guess we'll have to see.

                                    I'm refocused and ready to roll.   
                                                                                      Hello again, vulnerability.

check. mate.

She scans her list. Checks it twice. 

Rinse and repeat.

I no longer post my buckets on this blog, but that doesn't mean I no longer have them. 

I have this tendency of neglecting this outlet when things in my life are peachy, and suffice to say, my inactivity on here is a good sign. I will, however, take my slight dip in spirits as an opportunity to pour my current state onto this blog.  As a result, my buckets are conveniently documented in my phone. I'm happy to admit that I have accomplished nearly all of the goals I've set in the last year.

 However, the continuation of these lists becomes difficult as I'm struggling to formulate new goals. 

The realization occurred to me as I was flipping through magazines to update my vision board. I quickly scanned my board, marveled in the pieces I've accomplished, and decided I would keep them on there. I searched through a full stack of magazines without finding anything to add to my vision. That's when it hit me : I don't know what to look for. Aside from wanting a better outlook or attitude, and making a difference in the world, I don't know what else I want. 

#yolo

You only live once

It's the truth. For each person this four word anthem can mean something different. It could be the permission to be reckless and carefree of what's to come, or perhaps the desire to be, see and do as many things as possible. It's thoroughly important to discover what it means to you, and how it's going to affect the way you play the cards you are dealt.

A little over a year ago (prior to the #yolo hashtag fad) I decided to grasp my life by the horns and DO every attainable thing I wanted to do. I had bucket lists without due dates and goals without game plans, this last year I focused tackling all my ambitions and growing on new experiences. 

All I have to say is that this has been one incredible year. 

reading with the kiddies

 horseback ride

fall shenanigans

 twins game

snowboarding

I did it, and I couldn't be happier about the results. 

Round 2, here I come.

7.18

trapped in the sleeping quarters and unable to go into the city unaccompanied by an adult. Am I ten years old again? It's been a challenge to go from my busy schedule to this. Sure, I'm very lucky to have this opportunity to be away from my hectic life, I get that. However, I'm going crazy being cooped up for so long. I should be more appreciative of my break from life, but I can't help but be excited to be back into my world. I've reach the conclusion that this trip is more for my parents than myself. They are able to parade us around, introduce us to all their childhood kin and dump us at grandmas to be looked after like babies while they tend to their own agendas. Coming along is the least I can do this time around, but I reckon that it'd be the last time.

It wouldn't be so bad if I could do as I pleased. Oh well, not much more time left.

sacrifices.

I've seen my parents come alive in the last week, and it's really opened my eyes to what they're missing in our lives back in the states. They have backgrounds, history, and friends who grew up with them. I've seen them interact with their friends in the states and it's nothing like what I've seen in the last few days. My mom is so content these days with the presence of all her sisters, and my dad (the quiet counterpart of my socialite of a mother) is goes out with his friends daily.

My parents and I have completely swapped places since we arrived in Vietnam. They have been out and out around town, where as the sibs and I are confined to the four walls of my grandma's house. If this experience has given me anything, it's a little perspective. This is their world; and for decades ( and onwards) they've been removed from it. In my world, their objective is to work and provide so that my sibs and I could lead better lives. I guess it's no wonder they're so strict and frustrated, the fact that I can't get out of hear has really been fucking with my head. It's the complete opposite of what life is like for me in the states, I'm losing my sanity that's for sure, but I'm actually rested and slowed down (which is a rarity in itself).

Despite the fact that being restricted from leaving the house drives me mad crazy, I'm glad my parents have the opportunity to reconnect with childhood friends and enjoy life for a bit. This shift in perspective really motivates me to try harder to make them proud when I get back.

They've sacrificed their friends, professions, and for my mom, her family, so that we could be successful individuals.

And it won't be in vain.

hold on...

I was convinced just a week ago that removing myself from my life (physically) would be a true escape from the riff raff going on back there. False.

It's all in my head really, and I happened to pack that along with me. Although my mind is reeling with the same noise it was not too long ago,  being removed from the monotonous drone of my daily task list (what life has become) is good. Good, because I can't remember the last time I had to THINK... or LEARN for that matter. In the last few days, I've tried foods I've never had before, mapped out vocab I can't seem to master the tonnage for, and communicate with people who can't understand a thing I'm saying. It goes to show that we're meant to grow continuously, part of the dissatisfaction I'd been experiencing back home is due to the plateau I've reached. 


That tells me that it's time for some CHANGE.


CTRL + ALT + DELETE

These three keys allow you to stop what you're doing, and reboot your computer. I earned my opportunity to design my life to be exactly the way I want it.

I sat in the chairs, I did the mental exercise, why is it that a year later I'm in a position I'm unhappy with, living a life I don't want?

...something isn't adding up. Somewhere between graduation and now, I've rerouted and completely missed the target. Worse yet? I don't even know what my target is at the moment...boy do I have my work cut out for me.


This small break from my life is the marker of my new reboot. Here we goooo.

20/20

Oh my gosh...

Blogger saves unblogged posts as well, and I just found tons of unposted material amongst all my posted updates. I'll uncover these, they're rather good, just...incomplete.


I'll take a stab at finishing them, the timing might just be off, but the concepts...they're all relative.

2011. 

accomplished.

A year highlighted above all other years, I was to experience a milestone.  This was the year I intended to graduate and go out into the world as an adult. For a girl who was raised to value education over any other matter, graduating was the purpose of my existence; 2011 was my year to shine, and I did. 

When I started college back in 2007, I envisioned what my graduated 22 year old self would be like. Obviously some of her characteristics were very far fetched  such as growing taller (at least 5'5) and too idealistic (being engaged by graduation) but she was someone I wanted to be able to look up to.

 She was supposed to be successful, confident, happy, positive, and headstrong. Granted I am still not tall enough to be a super model and I am leaps and bounds away from having a ring on it, I can't say I am disappointed with who I came to be.

-----

The experiences I gathered in between sleeping in lectures and staying up all night writing papers molded me in ways I could never have imagined. While we go through trials in life, it's easy to look up at the sky and just curse the stars. In hindsight, however, our vision becomes 20/20 and we are able to see what we'd gained from the FML moments, and how much better our lives are because of it. With this realization, it's obsurd to me to ever regret anything in life. Life plays out a certain way for a reason, I trust that every challenge or hiccup I experience in life will amount to something positive.

This isn't always how I've felt, and it's quite liberating to have reached this conclusion. I tended to wallow in what as and what could have been, and I used to resent the relationships I had and used my past as an reason for certain behaviors.  I am now able to relinquish my grasp of the past and charge forward.



I know this isn't where I was originally going to drive this entry...but it's the best I can do.

it's what you make of it

"You'll never be happy." She gazes into my shocked eyes as she says this. "You're always going be looking for bigger and better. This applies to your career, love life, all aspects of your life."

I sit across from her with my palm faced up just awe-struck by what she said, my insides churned confirming the validity of her statement. Deep down, this wasn't about whether or not I believe her, I knew this is true. I was fully aware of the dark energy I'd been carrying, it was the very thing that compelled me to go in. I thought she'd give me something to hope for, something concrete to look forward to, instead she tells me that this is it. This level of fml will be a constant for the rest of my life. 

Life is 10% of what happens to you 90% is how you react to it. 

I could wallow in what this woman said, and spend the rest of my life with the self fulfilling prophecy, or I could take this as a wake up call, make it my turning point and never revisit such a level of dispare again. 

I'm going to take this and run with it. I leave two weeks from today, to travel a new foreign land and reconnect with family I haven't seen in 5 years. I plan to step over my comfort zone thresholds and do some soul searching while I'm free of my Minnesota lifestyle. This time away will be my escape from the restraints of pressure, work, stress, and other distractions. 

I'm going to clear my head of everything that I've been taught, let go of the reigns and see what happens. Everything will fall into place, I know of it.

Things have already improved immensely and I know it will continue to do so. 

Remember, when you hear bad news, or something does not go your way: Trust that there is a reason, and most importantly, use that as fuel, or the springboard that will push you towards better. 

Don't Ever.

Don't ever try to understand everything -
    some things will just never make sense.

Don't ever be reluctant 

    to show your feelings - 
    when you're happy, give in to it!
    When you're not, live with it.

Don't ever be afraid to try to
    make things better - 
    you might be surprised at the results.

Don't ever take the weight of the world 
    on your shoulders.

Don't ever feel threatened by the future - 
    take life one day at a time.

Don't ever feel guilty about the past - 
    what's done is done
    Learn from any past mistakes you might have made.

Don't ever feel that you are alone - 
    there is always somebody there for you to 
    to reach out to.

Don't ever forget that you can acheive
    so many of the things you can imagine - 
    imagine that!  It's not as hard as it seems.

Don't ever stop loving.
    don't ever stop believing,
        don't ever stop dreaming your dreams.

--Laine Parsons 

she's baaaack

Cruisin' Lake Minnetonka, one of the most memorable experiences I'll ever have.

Yes, you've heard right. After a 6 month hiatus and a reminder from a good friend, I decided that it be time I return to the blogging world and jot down my insights once again. I'm a little rusty but there's no better time than the present to start anew. 

I've felt so distanced from my true self these last six months. 

Luckily, there's no where to go but up. 

Stay tuned for more blog posts as I venture through life's tribulations and attempt to live life to the fullest. 

Goodnight

"Our obstacles can do one of two things: stop us in our tracks, or force us to get creative."

That's exactly what I'm going to do.