check it.

I really like how when it seems as if you're getting to cocky, life pitches you a fast ball to knock you off your toes and think again.

I've had many interviews that didn't result in an automatic hire, but I can't say I've ever had a bad interview. I usually don't get nervous, and with my beauty queen aspirations as a kid, I never failed to deliver the best answer my pageant questions. From " What is one of your greatest weaknesses?" to " Tell me why I should hire you among all other applicants" I've knocked them out of the park with the greatest of ease. On my recent quest for work I've been on many interviews, and I was able to leave all of them quite satisfied with my performance.

That is, until most recently.

" What's your favorite drink?"
 ( I couldn't think of one! I don't like tea garden too much right now, I'm trying to stick to water! I felt like I had to choose a drink besides that so I went with my old favorite. Good ol' Dr. Pepper. I've been trying to quit pop, not a good answer.)
"Dr Pepper?"
"Okay great, now sell it to me"
"uhhhhhhhhhh...."

I rambled on with this and that reasons as to why I enjoyed it, pre Australia trip. Let's just say I completely failed that question.

I'm really appreciative for it though, that question won't ever trip me up again because the rest of that day, I could have pitched anything from the toilet paper  in my bathroom to my fridge. Ask me about Dr. Pepper next time and you'd think I worked for the company.

We have to fail at some things to be great at them. So next time, when you feel like you've gotten everything figured out. Check it.

The Reason

Life isn't fair.

We've heard it all our lives, but have we questioned for second the reason behind this concept? WHY isn't it fair?! WHY can't it be fair? WHY don't we all get what we deserve?!
Why has society set some of us up for failure? And finally, Why haven't we done something about it?

Every child needs a fair chance at life, at success, at dreams and ambitions. Many don't have that luxury. It pains me so much to see it that it's almost taking a physical toll. I'll admit, being brought up in the protective care of my parents, I couldn't differentiate between a 'good' or 'bad' neighborhood, town, school. I didn't know life was harder than the one I have. I couldn't have imagined the state in which some children have to learn in. I never thought that there existed an outside cap on an individual's success. I couldn't grapple with the idea that some are born to 'make it' and others are not. I had understood that those who fail choose to, I know find that it isn't true. And I haven't ever been as heartbroken for these children as much as I am now.

I struggled in school to the point that my ability to move up a grade was in question. From parents, and family members,to  friends, and teachers it seemed as if no one had faith in me. Let's face it-it's not fun to teach a student when it's difficult. A student who seemingly fails at all sorts of different methods and styles. As a child, if no one believes in you, not even the smartest adults, what makes you think you have what it takes? Nothing does. I will tell you that much, you know you will fail before you even try.
So the perpetuation of that vicious cycles goes on to later years and is the formula to other negatives.

I can't explain how I went from barely passing 7th grade to graduating high school with a 4.0, but because I did it, I know it's possible. I know all the feelings, the helplessness the lack of motivation, the disappointment, to the sudden pride, to the momentum of success, to the beaming of satisfaction.

I never understood why God let me hate myself over this for so much of my childhood. Not until I made the decision to teach, to prevent history from repeating itself. To be that life jacket for that helpess student who is sinking below grade average.

Everything Happens For A Reason.

I will be getting my teachers license after I graduate, I'm not sure it is even necessary for my mission.
I am going to find those students who are 'failing'
I am going to build them up spiritually
I am going to personally help them succeed
I am going to save lives.


And no longer care what anyone thinks about my career path. I'd rather give than build it all for myself anyways.

Ohana means Family.

I never questioned this term because family is one of the strongest elements instilled in me since my first breath. All the members in my family are loved to an extent that is indescribable and impossible to recreate. Granted, the communication is off and everyone has their own flaws, the bond between my extended relatives is stronger than most.

I attribute much of this to those ever so sacred Saturdays we spent with each other since we were little. Growing up alongside each other, consistently being able to relive many childhood events just by being in each other's presence. We are able to provide a comfort just in our unity and I value this more than ever.

Here's the doosy.
There are a few members of my extended family whom I don't feel like I ever grew up with or even mattered to. Just as well because their absence didn't mean much to me anyhow. The bond isn't as apparent, and I even doubt it's existence.  So is blood even thicker? Or is the fact that we grew alongside each other that provides us with our immortal bonds? If I felt that it would be easy to disregard parts of my family, blood alone isn't nearly as dense as I had originally believed.

I found my answer when the second most distant cousin, or, the one cousin I despised most for actions taken against other family members; asked ME for help. Ironic eh? I'm just your uncles kid till ya need me, NOW I'm acknowledged. Despite my feelings or opinions I ACCEPT. Now, I'm not going to be drawn into any pity parties by any means. But for me to even come through, I surprised myself.

So there it is. Blood is thicker. He was family and I gave in.That F word really does mean alot, whether it's the consistent support and presence of certain members or just the blood relation with others.

I can't imagine what it would have been like to have my extended family scattered over the US. Thanking my lucky stars everyone is a few blocks away =)

overwhelmed.

Where do my responsibilities end?

Is it making sure my brother's and sister's homework is finished? or When a family friend is too permissively raising their child and I butt in to save their academics as well? or Taking it upon myself to getting out there to 'change the world'? or Simply being a good friend? or Constantly trying to draw lines that are consistently crossed? or Protecting someone's feelings thus taking the brunt of it?


I choose it all. I know I do. But if I don't, who else will?

Sure, I'm not involved in a full plate of extra-curricular activities. Somehow I still find myself in over my head. It's all about the people I am around. Shocking isn't it?


It's not entirely a bad thing, if we all chipped in a bit maybe it wouldn't get to this point.



A lot of negativity today. It's heavy.

"i want to be..."

"I know I can" is a day dedicated to encourage kids to start planning for college NOW.

 Located in the north Minneapolis area, Anne Sullivan Communication Center is the urban school in which I was assigned. The point of this day is to let kids know that college is possible for them and that putting effort in school now pays off in the long run. We shared our own experiences, possible struggles and favorite things about school. We then read them the " I know I can" book that was written to inspire kids to believe in their own academic abilities and encourage them to take hold of their lives TODAY in building a brighter future for themselves.

Hands shot straight up right when I asked if anyone knew what they wanted to be when they grew up. Answers from vets, and doctors, to singers and policemen, each student had that image of themselves as working adults. So much ambition, excitement, and curiosity was in the air- a kind of purity one only experiences in children. How is it lost just with age? We see very little of that beyond elementary school. Ironic how that works.

This school didn't appear to have many differences from the one I went to when I was little, the only thing was that there was more diversity. Does it make it a bad school? Are the kids more difficult to teach? I didn't think so but their teacher surely did. With her consistently sarcastic "goood luck." or " I will never let my daughter want to teach." I would hate to have a teacher who didn't like her job. Maybe I was naive at the time, but I don't believe that any of my own instructors hated what they were doing.

To this day and age, one would think that there is no reason to have an occupation they don't want.

The students were very curious about college, many asked questions about whether college students sleep, if we study for full days, if we like it, and what it's like. Statistics have shown that many students who go to urban schools don't graduate high school let alone go to college.

I hope with all my being that they do.


Props to programs like this for trying, but "I know I can" days once a year are barely enough. Better this than nothing though. It's just one of those things that remind us how lucky we are and how certain privileges aren't readily accessible for others. It'd be a waste to be given so much and give back so little.

Meet a student, inspire her/him; you'd be surprised at how a little help can potentially change someone else's life.

turning a new leaf

 
without being too caught up in this 'new year buzz' i want to remind myself to be a bit more realistic about my amitioins. I always want to become a better person than before and i feel like some of these adjustments take some effort and others will come inevitably.

Always be on time. for a person who always values time itself, i should be one to be able to respect that of others. I will be prompt. I can't stand waiting for other people and it's about time i quit having people do so for me.

Take care of myself. Physically. I want to be healthy- as in, flossing and brushing, sleeping 8 hrs, eating right, no pop, the whole enchilada. It's about time i had respect for my body. I'm sure i'll feel a lot better if my body did.

On that note, I want to bring lunches to school. Money should be used logically. If there's food, bring food. I got in the habit in Sydney and I should be able to do the same here. It'll help the whole diet thing and money thing. gotta do whatchu gotta do.

Save money. For being highly ambitious travel wise, I should stop throwing money in for empty regulars. I have enough lotion! Gotta get into the habit, teachers dont make much and i'm gonna have to practice not spending so much.

Try many new things. If activities always revolve around my interest, I've already decided to limit myself within a small target. Let's step outta there. Comfort is a good place to resort but gotta step out some time.

Read more books. I should read more recreationally because it's a real drink of water to turn pages in a book and get my eyes off a laptop for once.

A friend told me that the ann in person and the one from my blog are as if they're too different people. Let's not hide my real self. I'm going to speak my mind, provide input and be a more actively social person. I love sharing, why not?





This is the list so far, it'll start with me personally and branch out as I add to it as needed.  We'll check it off as I notice it accomplished.

year of the rabbit lol, let's get the party started.

the long and winding road

The long and winding road by the beatles is the song my choir teacher chose for choir seniors to sing in front of our graduating class in 2007. I honestly didn't think a winding road really applied to me. As a freshman in high school I thoughtfully planned out my high school class registration for all four years of my high school career. Every year I referred back to that original blue print and followed it to a T. I figured that my new blue print for the following four years in college would play out quite similar.

Little did I know that when you find yourself, you'll be true to it.

My road was took at lot of turns, some expected, most unexpected. This taught me flexibility. Life can't be too rigid. Planning everything out for the rest of your life leaves the anticipation, excitement, and unexpected out. What's the fun in that?

Post high school, I was able to differentiate between what my parents want, the standards in which I was to live up to, what I want, and what I'll actually do. I was able to accept that these didn't match up and be quite gracious about standing behind my decisions.
 

Most importantly: I was able to find my passion, helping people.

My career path is like walking a tightrope without a safety net; teaching jobs are scarce, college debt is breeding every year, things don't look as promising as a graduating student would hope. BUT that's okay, I'm going to do it trusting that I will be taken care of.

It might seem foolish but I'm intrigued by this slight leap of faith. I don't mind.
My future is unwritten! I don't have to plan, I'm gonna just go with it, go for it and have a ball. 

I'm enjoying my studies and I am ecstatic about my steps afterwards. I honestly can't tell you where I'll be 5 years down the road or even just next year.

I'm not worried or scared, I'm ready. Taking it month by month as it comes and goes.
I'll worry about logistics when I grow up.
Let's just LIVE.