once upon a time...

 Remember the days when we were part of the world that believes in magic?

This world allows you to be you and no one else, you never knew to compare, you never knew to think anything but happy thoughts ( besides plotting to snatch cookies from the table)

 the worst a boy could do was snatch your toy

 your worst fear is the 'monster' that your teacher says is in the hallway ( to keep the class quiet)
but you were fearless when it came to jumping off the swings, climbing too high and running in front of cars

 your mom and dad were your biggest heroes, second to actual superheroes, of course

cartoons were celebrities

fairy tales were historical

injuries stopped hurting when someone kissed it

you could dance like nobody's watching without the help of alcohol...or music even.

sleep was incorporated into the schedule

snow on the ground is a flavorless snow cone

you questioned teachers on their knowledge of fairytales

you expressed exactly what you felt

you wrote to Santa and left milk and cookies out for him

things like Christmas tree erasers were enough to brighten your day

money grew on trees, and the only thing you spent was energy

you broke into song in random parts of the day

mini me!  she's feisty too lol

Remember? Those were the days, were they not? Your brain didn't have the capability of being so stressed, worried, and negative. That's the life.


Good thing I'm still a part of this world, not only that but I play a crucial role in the lives of the kids I see at work everyday. I tell stories as if i lived to tell the tale, I have the power to fix every owwy ( whether i just kiss it or put a dora bandaid on it), I lead by example, I 'know' everything, I mediate all conflicts between kids, I become a monster to make you run, I'm a shoulder to cry on, I'm the rock you hide behind if your scared, I teach you manners and I don't respond till you use them, I teach you letters knowing that you'll have to make them into words later.



There's the job description that describes what grade and what is expected of you,

Once you're a part of this world, however, you'll begin to see what your job really entails.

Maybe now you understand why I love what I do?

I'm a girl on a mission and this is what taking the bull by the horns looks like.
http://ngocbichvu.blogspot.com/ my happiness project. check it =)

Do girls "diet", wear makeup and dress to impress guys?
                                                                                    Or do they do this to impress or compete with girls?


First world problems.
Those who have the resources to eat starve themselves for vanity. Those who are emotionally unstable feast to the point of sickness.

 Those who are perfectly fine will never be happy with their own appearance. real talk, NEVER.


Why?

#trouble

They will wine and dine you.
                                                                                                                                   and guilt you for it.

They will do anything and everything for you.
                                                                                                               and expect something in return.

They will say all the right things.
                                                                                                                       because they're good at it

They will sweep you off your feet.
                                                                                                                                just like the movies.

They will look at you with desire.
                                                                                                        because they want something more

They will show you off to everyone.
                                                                                                               to make their friends jealous

They will bring you flowers, chocolates and bears.
                                                                                                                               because it's "sweet"

They will make you feel unstoppable.
                                                                                                                      because you'll fall in 'love'

They will wipe your tears.
                                                                           so that you'll still go to them when they make you cry.

They will make you feel like the only girl in the world.
                                                                                            so that you don't suspect them of cheating

They will make you feel safe.
                                                                                                    so that no one else has to protect you.

They will put a ring on it.
                                                                                                                         so that you won't leave.


Abusive relationships resemble 'normal ones' from the movies. Sometimes you gotta read between the lines.

" People don't buy what you do, they buy why you do it." -Simon Sinek

I'm not buying bitches.


This idea that people are not always who they seem, and  that everyone is capable of breaking you down to a fine pulp has become the ball and chain on all my relationships. It's a shame on me if I can be fooled twice.  I get that not all guys are like this, I guess I'd rather right them all off than get it wrong again.

soo...what now?

I know it's a little heavy for my good natured blog, but it's keepin' me up. plus, I'm starting to #keepitreal

Hold up, wait a minute

"Pace of the world I just wish I could stop it

                                                     Try to appear like I've got it together

I'm falling apart"- Emmy Rossum

 My schedule is filled with productive activities, even rest isn't wasted time because it's something I've earned. I've learned to scarf down my meals in 10 mins or less and get to and from work in at least 20 mins. Errands are saved for the weekend and lunch breaks. Leisure time? Whenever I have a space in my google calendar. Sure, I'm really productive, but I'm not experiencing as much personal benefit from this.  Winter break is approaching my friends who are still in school, and I'm realizing that there will not be any slowing down of any sort for me unless I take initiative myself.


 It's getting lonely running these laps on my own, 
I really need to take it easy and re-evaluate what I'm doing. 

Baby, it's cold outside

The first snowfall of the year marks the end of fall and the transition to a new bucket!

The early night fall, cold weather, and horrible driving conditions usually inspire me to stay in. This year, I don't want it to slow me down. 

Bake cupcakes- inspired by The Cake boss show I saw just last week!

this recipe blows. but it still counts!

Make chocolate covered pretzels, my favorite snack.

Go sledding -I haven't done that since I was a kid

Ice skate outside- I've been wanting to go to Rice Park!

A Christmas Carole- it's at the Guthrie, carried over from my fall bucket =)

I. Love. This. Theater.

Complete my Holiday Good Deeds list!

disney barbies for toysfortots

Cozy up with my tie blanket and hot chocolate for a movie

GIVE GIVE GIVE

Another Wild Game

Inspire

Entertain the idea of going back to school

Make a snow angel

Finish redecorating my bedroom

Make an ornament

Make good lasagna

Snowboard

Workout 3 times a week. bare minimum, i should be able to manage this.

Save money for trips!--having the travel bug ain't cheap!

Lion King

                                         Tis' the season to Eat, Drink and Be Merry! 
                                                   Cheers

Thanksgiving

Thankful for my family. I couldn't handpick them better myself. 

We've grown together,

Struggled together,

So long as we're united, there isn't anything that can beat us. 

Every Saturday for the first 16 years of my life, the family would come together and have dinner. I Birthday cakes were brought over, Christmases were warm and joyful, new years was always a riot. It sounds so ordinary, but what those Saturdays brought us is truly amazing.  I used to look around and see my family sprawled everywhere in the living room and feel secure, loved, and happy. Being around my family to this day brings me back to those happy moments of my childhood.  

I don't know if I could amount to much without the support of these girls. 

We're all a bit crazy. But we love each other for it. 

We all are known to be kinda shy, you would never guess it when we're together.

Second generation of intense women. lol. 

Apples don't fall far from the tree,

 what you lookin' at now represents the crazy Moms and aunts in the family.

God gives us our relatives, thank God we can still choose our friends- Ethel Watts Mumford

The best part is that I'd choose them to be my friends too.

“In the game of life, you cannot stumble around hoping for a lucky break. It simply isn’t going to happen. So every morning I grab life by the horns, throw it to the ground, and tell it how it’s going to be.”


I’ve been a victim of this game many times over, then volunteered myself to be benched for a while, but I’m suited up and ready to be back in the game with a vengeance. Life isn't just going to happen to me, from this point forward, I'm driving.


I hope the world is ready, for the wrath of Vu.

mistake " miiiiiiistaaake...steak.... OH I LOVE STEAK!"

He interrupts my explanation with, "Ann, can I tell you something?" and goes on to tell me a completely random story about his weekend or favorite video game. Our frustrations have been exercised, I  have almost fallen asleep while he worked through his math problems,and he's put up with crabby Ann a ton, but hard work never goes unpaid. 

The catch about what I do is that there is little to no instant gratification, you don't tend to see improvement right away to reaffirm what you're doing. Without that, working through the long days is completely draining. I do enjoy my time with him, there really isn't much of a dull moment, however, after a eight and half hour shift with 3/4 yr olds...two hours with Ethan becomes a real chore. ( I hate to admit that)

I've been working with him for about two months now, and I'm ecstatic to see some real improvement. I've recently noticed it, and his confidence tells me he's noticed as well. Granted he still has some learning difficulty, it gives me joy to see that these long 12 hr days between preschool and him have amounted to something. He's expanded his vocabulary and progresses along with the class in math. IT'S THIS MOMENT, that I work towards. 

 I asked him to include a turkey since we took his halloween picture down lol

The moment when I look at a student, and know that they've grown smarter and more confident now than they were before. 

Knowing that I played a part in it makes up for all the frustration and loss of patience I experience day to day.

Whether its a year or a few months ago, growth is what life is about. The students themselves don't see it the way I do, but that's okay, their mission is different than mine. 

I'm proud, and we're going on strong. By the end of this year he's going to be leaps and bounds away from where he started.

I just know it. 

Time flies when you're having fun

" The days are long but the years are short."-Gretchen Rubin

Not many too many changes in the appearance, but we've changed immensely. My not so little brother still hates pictures, but I happened to be able to snag at least one picture with the kid.


I'll blog more, I find that it's important to keep a record of my current goings on... for future's sake. It'll be another 3 years before I even know it. SCARY.

I love it when I see personal growth.

I've completely forgotten all the login information. It's better this way, keeps it just the way I'd left it. Crazy to think, this time last year...I was exploring a whole different part of the world.

At that time, I'd never imagine I'd be doing this here and now...crazy.


Australia...My new playground  http://annabella515.blogspot.com

If I could be anywhere....

This is where I'd choose to be

Fall Bucket

An apple a day keeps the doctor away
I've been eating apples so as to never
have to see a doctor, ever.

I have adopted new appreciation for life. I don't have a clue where it came from but this live it up theme from my summer is definitely carrying over into my fall. I always tended to mill through my days, preoccupied with some sort of problem. I realize now what a waste of a day that is.

 I've minimized my dark days to a few hours to mope and carry on. I do have to say it's been working out real well.


Life's too short to fret too much, there are much bigger problems out there. I can't cry over spilled milk when there's devastation all over the world, that just doesn't make sense.


Summer's been accomplished, so here's the debut of my FALL BUCKET!

Visiting an apple orchard. I do this every year. It's my favorite fall activity <3

Bake cookies. Nothing like fresh, warm cookies on a cold fall day.

Photo-walk when the leaves change. I need to take my camera out to play this season.

Partial credit for this one. leaves haven't changed yet and i cant find the charger for my camera =/

weaver lake on a fall morning =)

Make a tie blanket for the winter.

completed and ready for winter!!

Play piano. again. I've let it go, sore spot that I can't have the lessons I wanted. Time just doesn't permit.



Go to a wild game. That's on my life's bucket. What am I waiting for?

Vancouver Canucks ate ice. Worth every penny <3

Brought my partner in crime

Start my Happiness Project. No better time than the present!
 read it here =)  http://ngocbichvu.blogspot.com/


Finish two books! I need the brain food.


See a play at the Guthrie. The good Broadway shows are in the winter, fall be for plays.



Gopher Football. I'm in the country this year, no excuses.

To ensure that I'm recording these events in my life, I've started a new rule. I will check all of these bullets with a picture. This way, looking back will be much more visually pleasing.

So much change this fall, I'm starting to get a grip on things, but it's going to take me some time. Regardless, I'm ready to roll and I'm very excited for the coming months.

I was running off with the kangaroos last fall, but I being in MN doesn't mean the fun is over.

I'm beginning to live like #eachdaycouldbemylast

I've been reading Dr. Seuss to the kids I've been tutoring just about every day. I think it took an older Ann to really appreciate the genius this man really is. The books are exquisite and they speak the truth in such an intriguing way, Ah! I really can't get enough.

This is one of my favorite quotes:

(although I could post a favorite quote out of one of his books just about every day).

Turns out, I really do have a brain.

I'm kickin' off my work heels.

Children's Home just got a new preschool teacher.

I am pumped.

challenge accepted

handpicked dandelions <3

"As one door closes, another opens." 

Everything I'd known to be consistent has changed this fall, it's not necessarily bad, its just that change is a little challenging for me. 

After 8 years of teaching the same kindergarten class at Sunday school, the door is being closed. All the other teachers, including myself, were shocked when it was announced that I will be working with the senior class. This will be different, good different. I've been a part of two confirmations, but this will be a journey, for all of us. My brother is in this class this year, that'll be weird. But it's okay, we're family, it'll bond us together a little more.

I'll miss teaching my babies, so much. My initial reaction was to do both, I'll be part of both classes. THIS IS MY PROBLEM. 

" i have a surprise for you"

I don't like the word "No". 

I've always heard it. There's always something I can't do, can't see, can't touch, can't go just because NO MEANS NO. Because of this, I've become the person who doesn't use the word. I've been stretching myself thin for as long as I can remember. It takes a whole lot out of me, I'm trying to stop this.

After speaking with a few other teachers, I decided that it was unfair for me to divide myself between two classes when each of them deserved a teacher who is fully dedicated to them. ( Ok, it might sound like I take this Sunday school thing too seriously, but think. I was the very first teacher they have, and now I'll be the very last. It's about the impression I leave, their attitudes about church.) I'm truly excited. This is something I've been wanting to do. The fact that it was laid in my lap without me making any effort towards it proves that this is how it's supposed to be.

silly faces for halloween

No more shoe tying, hand holding, little hugs, and vibrant smiles. I'll be trading those in for teens. haha. This is where I'll leave an imprint on the world. 

If I can inspire 5 yr olds to give charity, I can inspire 17 yr olds to change the world. 

Challenge accepted.

expiration dates aren't just for food.

Earlier at work today I was on the phone with a new patient,  it was about mid-morning. I had three Reese's peanut butter cups in my stomach and my day was going fine as usual. This person on the other line is quickly agitated that I've asked her various questions (i.e. her name, her birthday) you know things a medical facility kind of needs to know while scheduling an appointment. Without rhyme or reason, her attitude escalates from mildly impatient to flat-out rude as my tone went from the 'sing songy how can I help you' to 'bitch say whaaat'. Okay, maybe not that extreme, but I was livid, shaking. If you insist on being rude to me, you are only going to get rudeness back. I believe in customer service, but I live by the respect rule. It's earned, and it's reflected by how you treat people. CHECK IT, honey.

Moral of the story. I personally feel the world works this way as well. Whatever attitude you emit into the world is reflected right back at you. I'm not gonna bitch at the world much longer, getting real tired of being bitched at..

This is why I am putting an expiration date on my current attitude. I've been cursing the skies for days, constantly stressed, short fused, and literally flat out angry at the littlest things. I'm going through quite a transition right now, so I'm allowing myself just another week of pouting, and hating the world through flustered tears. There's always two ways to go with things. The easier is to hang on to comfortable dissatisfaction ( it's how everyone has led by example). I've been determined to resist falling into the trap of unhappiness as a lifestyle. My attitude is going to turn around come one week and eventually I things will turn around on its own.

Instant gratification, being on the beach. ( Salisbury Beach, Mass.)

Why one week? Why not tomorrow? Expiration dates designate when a product isn't good anymore. I need to allow myself to feel it, covering it up in a vice grip doesn't change the fact that it's there. It's healthy to feel this way, but it's necessary to create a limit. 



Here's to acknowledging my current situation and looking towards brighter days in the future.

aspirations

Someone's always gonna come kickin' you down when you're feelin' alright. It's kind of a given.

You shrug it off when you can, absorb nothing of the sort and get on with your life. Show them the door and surround yourself with a seamless support system. But what if it's crucial that they remain in your life?

This constant criticism, 'tough' love thing is gettin' real old. I may be sensitive, heck, who am I kidding I could get upset every time the wind changes. regardless. no thanks.


Please, PLEASE give me the cold shoulder, I'd rather have that than your negativity.

nice guys, they finish last. if they even race.

So i came across a little, or i should say large, rant by: randolphpermejo (note that this is cited.) It's a common conflict, the whole ' nice guys finish last' situation. 

 he signed:

i just don’t understand.

-had to let that out. 
alright kid, i'll take a stab at this. i'll be as straightforward as i can. not speaking for the female population, just offering up a little response to give this one sided story a little dimension. not promising that you'll understand at the end. life never makes any sense. 

 "don’t understand why being a best friend decreases my chances of being with you. i don’t understand why my efforts of making sure you’re safe and happy is not a reason for us to work. i don’t understand why you think i’m amazing, yet you feel you can never see me that way. i’m too good of a friend ? oh, you’re afraid to lose me. well, damn, i’m afraid to lose you, too. i don’t ever want to lose you. that’s why i want you."

becoming best friends already demotes you from the guy market she's shopping in. I'm sorry. the second you became the person who heard the boy problems and fixed every boo boo, you eliminated the "us" in the equation. she wants you to do that from now on--therefore, you cannot be the boy that causes the problems. (it'd get far to complicated and you'd be way offended with her rants.) she's afraid to lose you as a friend, and you know? you wouldn't lose her as a friend, remaining friends ensures this for the both of you. you're just asking for more than you bargained with.

it’s frustrating how a person can give his or her all and get nothing in return. it gets even more frustrating when another person comes in, doesn’t even give half of what you give, plays yo-yo with your heart, makes you wait for reasons unknown, treats you like dirt, and he or she gets you with ease. it’s a bunch of bullshit.

face it, you gave her your all assuming she'd do the same, she doesn't, and NOW you're asking for a price. feelings in return. it's frustrating how people do things out of the 'goodness of their heart' and expect something in return. this is how people are guilted into doing things they dont want. think: you want her to want you, not to be with you cuz she feels bad. give your all, take what you're given. you get a loyal friend (if she has any decency, i'd hope for you that she does.) she probably doesn't get to show this to you since you can't vent to her about your love problems; it's her. he plays yo-yo with her heart and she takes it because a roller coaster is more exciting than a train. as sad as she gets, i'm sure he makes her that much happier at some point...she just wouldn't talk to you about the happy stuff.

 why do i get overlooked ? “maybe i deserve someone better” ? cmon, what other escape lines do you have ? if you truly believed i deserved better, then that would mean you see why a girl would fall for me. but yet those reasons aren’t good enough ? i love you with all my heart, and you not feeling the same for me doesn’t make any sense at all either. 

kid, dont hate the player, hate the game. don't resent her for not feeling the same.( lol it rhymes) i'm sure her brain is asking why she doesn't feel for you, just as you are. you fit the bill, you make the white picket fence dream plausible, but for some reason the bubbles never arise at the sight of you and her heart beat remains steady in your presence. she wouldn't date you without the feelings, that's unfair to you, you deserve a girl who feels just as strongly about you. if it's not her, keep going, don't mill at a closed door, not good for you.

the end.

okay i blogged this because i really have nothing better to blog about, in all honesty my life a whirlwind and i'm barely keepin' up. productivity comes with a price and i'm not all too sure i care for it. i'm just a girl doin' what she's sposed to do. 

Today if you feel tempted to say yes to something you don’t really want to do, ask yourself: What would I enjoy more? And what’s stopping me from doing that? #thehappinessproject

Stupid, Crazy, Love.

Yes, I did borrow a title to an upcoming movie. It seemed to fit pretty well as I was struggling to find a fitful one.

From the very beginning, we were brainwashed into wanting a valuable gem. It was introduced in childhood and became an ongoing thread in our lives. It was as ridiculous as magic, seemingly achievable in real life and of course, it was the key to happily ever after.

Makes me wonder, would we have wanted it otherwise? Would we feel so inadequately satisfied without such a thing? 

What I'm speaking of is...L.O.V.E.

First of all, I nearly cringe writing the word cuz really, it bites. As 'magical' as it looks in Disney movies, and happy it makes the leading lady in romantic comedies, we all know it's kind of a sore spot for everyone.

 This little 'spell' brings one into a realm of heightened emotion in every way, shape and form.  It's as exhilarating as it is destructive. It brings out the good, bad, and ugly in us. The addictive cloud 9 sensation you get and feeling of invincibility have you hooked and continually searching for a stable source. If we weren't conditioned to want it since our first Disney movie, would this still be the case? If it's not, I definitely have a bone to pick with Mr. Walt and every one else who perpetuate this ridiculously glamorized concept. 

If you take away all the bells and whistles...what would be left? As in, no Valentines, cookies, chocolates, floating hearts and flowers (that last a whole day) -- would there still be meaning? Think about it, all that shit can be faked by just about any one, how is it that we use these to decide who we're going to be with? The indicators we're given to use are FLUKES, why can't we be showed what to really look for in a person? oh yeah...not as interesting and definitely doesn't churn as much money as a movie theater proposal. DUH.

We're so wrapped up in googly eyes, the perfect song and what is done for us that we completely miss the ball on what really matters. Because of this, we'll pass on what we really need and accept the crap society has led us to believe we need. I could put money on the theory that we are all looking for the wrong things. Costing ourselves the truest of things ( whatever the hell that is.) and signing ourselves up for a serving of soul destructing experiences.

Don't fall in the trap people, the sweet haze of honeymoon lasts probably a whole couple months and claws never cease to appear later. We gotta focus on what really matters, still, if only we knew what that is. Why else is divorce so freaking high?

Not only is it an achievement to find this gem, not finding it makes many of us feel very inadequate. Left wondering why we're excluded from this game, we run around with our heads cut off trying to find it. Smart? Hardly.

Plus, who in the world came up with 'follow your heart'? To this very day, I wonder if that's ever a wise thing to do. I also wonder what the most prominent choice is, heart or head?   AND why is this always two different things, shouldn't that be a warning sign? Oh my mind says one thing and my heart says another...do they ever come to a consensus?! Are they always wanting two different things? Which is the best choice? Lordy.

So why is this the most sought after gem? Shouldn't any self sufficient person be able to be happy? ( I'm sure there are some out there, but not talking about exceptions here) Or will we always be dissatisfied in singledom?

 I'm sure I speak the thoughts of many in this entry, cheers.

what do YOU want?

"Remember that you don’t have to justify to anybody why you want something. Your wants are valid of their own right, regardless of what they are."


                                                  This is a great quote, if only it were true in the world of Vu. ( haha it rhymes)


Definitely an ideal situation but absolutely not applicable to my life. In a battle of traditional vs modern day perspectives I always find myself having to DEFEND my wants. Whether it's why I like to listen to music as I sleep, or I like my desserts with my meals.  And it's a funny thing, you would assume that it's all gravy if I decide for myself. I mean, I'm not making your decisions. Trust me, I wouldn't want to if I could. 
 So then how you bout to tell me what is and is not okay for me to do with my life? 


Maybe the next time we give advice, we remind ourselves that the choice is ultimately the receiver's. And as one who seek's advise, remember to incorporate your own judgement-the consequences are yours.


I read this quote off of some other blog that emphasized how we become our own barriers to happiness. This is true, however without the constraints of society we wouldn't have much to go off of. So let's thank ourselves while keeping in mind that it's the media and choices of other people also contribute to this. 


...here comes the sociology 


As 'free' as we are here, we are tightly bound -mummy style- by...I don't even have an appropriate word for it. We are subliminally told how we should look ( unnaturally skinny and or reminiscent of the Hulk) how we should live ( big houses, nice cars, pools in the back) what should make us happy ( $$, and love) and how could I ever forget The Climb up that social ladder?! All of these require that we step on another to achieve, and I know many unhappy people who've achieved this much. It's the LITTLE things that matter. That smile someone gave you while you were upset, or maybe that favorite song on the radio is where you're going to find it.


Life is a rat race, we're all competitors, and the finish line doesn't even exist. I love how much sense this makes!The world is fighting against our individual pursuits of happiness. It's virtually impossible with these circumstances.


 Let's not be too intimidated, against the current gets lonely... but, at least happiness is reachable!

"I give great advice but I seldom follow it."

                                                                                                      --  Alice in Wonderland

haha truth.

caged bird syndrome

It sickens me to the point of rotten insides how much time I spend -I mean waste- buried in the world wide web. This alternative realm provides me with the freedom I don't really have otherwise and brings me to friends I wouldn't contact in any other way. Through my trusty laptop I can keep up with my friends, stay up with them as long as I want to and all without pissing my parents off. Sounds like a great solution right?

Too bad this only frustrates me more.

We shop, talk to friends, watch movies, and order pizza all without getting off our asses. I can never help but I think of those fluffy people on Wall-E and the fact that we are slowly becoming them. It's rare that I can have a conversation without someone who isn't either texting someone else, stalking on facebook, or tweeting about nonsense. At home, each person (parents included) is stuck in a comfy place cuddled up with their piece of technology. We rarely talk to each other, or interact for the most part and everyone is just zonked out. Our bodies have become immobile cases  because all the action happens at the touch of a button. SAD.

I hate this, but I do it. I hate being trapped but I am. And when you're the only one who looks up from the computer screen every now and then only to find that no one else even notices, you revert back. When no one is off their technology, being off yours is virtually pointless. 

What a waste of life. Sure, the possibilities are endless with the use of internet, we've been the closest ( as in knowing what's going on with people) but the MOST DISTANT ( as in not mentally being there with the person you're sitting next to) wait..this is a good thing? 

How disabled do we feel without our phones these days? naked. just lost.
 I could care less, but that's only because no one uses the 'speech' feature on the phone anymore.
Having no laptop when I'm cooped at home would probably put my brain into a frenzy, I hate to admit that I'd prob die...or want to.

So really, does this liberate or handicap us? 

Who plays 'house' anymore when you have sims? Real football vs fantasy? Maple story vs ...iono a real life parallel to that one... pretty soon, we won't even know how to write anymore, what with electronic signatures nowadays.

And seriously, I feel like the only one who has a problem with this.

I personally would like to NOT be on the computer the majority of the hours I'm awake. I wanna see sites, eat tons, and play. for real. ( this wing clippin' thing my parents have goin sucks ass.) a curfew is one thing, but being bitched at every time to leave the house too?...C'MON.

There is so much more to life, why am i caged from it?! 

Okay, that is all.

It's just been an agonizing bore of a day and that's just when the frustrating vent comes out. 

My brain might just implode from over dosage of facebook, twitter, now blogger, and everything else there is to do online. 

Things could probably be worse. ( stranded on a sinking ship, or dying of hunger type of worse) So it's kind of petty to complain, but BLAH!

I'm not chewing onto this curfew thing very well. I spent a lot of my years coloring in the little lines of structure my parents made for me, I think it's about time that I was able to run my own life a little bit. And it's too much to ask! 



And wouldya look at that, I am out of words to say on this. It's when you feel the most that words just don't come. 

sunset over water

I'm slowly knocking off points on my summer bucket list. Calhoun is one of my favorite places to be, the Minneapolis skyline is one of my most comforting sights.

There really is no place like home

progress!

makin' real progress here. gotta start within the family of course, this is Odie. Baby of my cousins and one of the most hyper of dogs. I'm good when he's sitting calmly but all he has to do is flinch or sneeze to have my heart go immobile for a min. Any swift movement that resembles the forever imprinted chase has me spazzing! Stinkin Taco scarred me for life. 

I'm hoping to hang out with Kiba, he's probably calmed down since he was a pup. 

2 more months of summer & by the end...

man's best friend could be mine too??

Summer Bucket

Wise words that I heard in a previous graduation speech have been turning the gears in my mind these last few weeks. The speaker encouraged the fresh batch of graduates to quit waiting for great things to happen and to stop  relying on the world to knock on their doors; in other words, we should retire from playing defense. 


Switching to offense requires that we become active leaders in the community. Make learning opportunities out of quiet phases in your life and inspire people you interact with every day. Playing on this side of the field requires that we not only recognize our goals, but do what it takes to achieve them.

I've been told that the offense side of the game is my common field but that hasn't been on purpose. From here on out I want to reach out for opportunities, work with different people on many different things, volunteer in organizations that have nothing to do with education, try all sorts of new things and step out of my comfort box so much that it's no longer a box. There are a few things I want to do this summer, but I won't limit myself to this list, nor do I think it'll be extensive enough. ( Just things to keep in mind as my summer days pass)

Boston to see my girls

Florida with my family

Fishing (I haven't done this in ages, why not try it out again?)

Kayaking on calhoun with the family

shooting range with the sister

Cook great food

Inspire -everyone, anyone

Try new foods, even at places I've already been to

Go to valley fair to entertain my inner ride warrior

Harry Potter 7 with the fam

Fountains, gotta continue on!

See a sunset over water ( saw one in aus. curious why I never tried to here with all these lakes we've got)

Finish all my new books from borders!

Conquer fear of dogs- or animals in general

See "The Help" when it comes to theaters

MAKE TIME to work out more ( how could there be so little time even when school is out..)

Find a breathtaking view in Minnesota

I've got very high hopes for these next few months.
This makes up for all those summers of eat sleep and watch tv...

                                                                I'm playing offense now.

fork in the road

It's important for me to remember, especially right now that from here on out there are no more blueprints, checkpoints or trail maps to guide  me (or rather tell me) where to go in life. Most people would just about freak out without knowing what summer they're supposed to have an internship or what year it is that they are to be married at this point, but we really shouldn't. Think, if there's no answer key, or one right answer...who's to say that any of us is ever wrong? Sure we make mistakes, but life is the teacher now, without that-eh might as well croak- living and learning go  hand in hand.

Why in the world am I stressin'?!

It's a shame that I personally think this way but I can't bring myself to do it because don't feel this way.
 This is what happens when you're of two completely opposite cultures. One encourages me to do what I can to find my own happiness-per my own definition of the term. The other strongly feels that quality of life is measured in numbers...actually, dollar signs. What kind of house I can provide myself, and other such things make up how respected I am and how 'happy' I could be in the future. This might not be true of everyone, but shit, it's pretty apparent in the world of Vu. I feel hesitant to move forward in any direction whatsoever because there will always be contradiction.

Simply working and volunteering does not allow me to move up the social ladder, but it will satisfy my current dread of additional school. The cla commencement speaker spoke my thoughts as she explained what most responses to " what are you going to do now?" would be. " We will be doing what we've been doing all along: touching lives, inspiring others, being leaders in our communities, and making a difference in the world." That is precisely why working to support myself ( all moved out, for cryin out loud.) and continuing my little legacy would be ideal. This move, however, invites sneers from my Vietnamese side, and questions as to why I would 'waste' such precious time. ( I've been strongly conditioned to avoid this little consequence btw. It's pretty severe....till I develop a tolerance?)

Applying and continuing my education will definitely please my parents but then that's little ann played like a puppet, obedient as she always has been.  I won't receive any praise or recognition for this, ( which I should since I removed my own personal interest) I'll just be spared from criticism. I might win in this, considering afterwards I'd have a masters in teaching, I just feel like it's not a choice I have. If that's not enough, there's going to be some under privileged communities that I won't get to help as much.

Sidenote** I am soo afraid of being rejected from grad school. Applying just puts me in the danger zone for that, I don't know if I'm ready for more stress. I just started my summer...

So yup, post graduate woes. I think I would die if I was a perfectionist. Nothing is ever perfect, whatever the word means.

what to do what to do...

good thing I am a procrastinator. I don't believe time well spent could ever be considered a waste ;)

Summer, get at me.

Finish Line

Later today, I will be walking. I have completed my undergraduate degree. This cause deserves some celebration, but this piece of paper means little in my world.

These last four years were filled with adventures, tears, laughs, falls, and most importantly....naps. On the day that marks the cap of the last four years of my life, I am going to rewind and pay tribute to all the memories that come to mind.

2007-2008

1. ATL running back to the car for her lunch and running to the bus. The first day of school.

2. Buying all my books my first day of school; carrying all my books to every class on the first day of school.

3. First, tiring, sweaty, exhausting walk across washington ave bridge.

4. Mississippi room.

5. Locker in Smith Hall. Walking past the "chemistry" building in search of Smith hall.

6. Panda bowls, lots of panda bowls.

7. tears, liters of it.

8. Visits with Nubia

9. Not liking village wok food. Going back to village wok all the time despite this.

10. Moos Tower, my home. Second to Smith Hall, that is.

11. Getting raped by chemistry. Both semesters.

12. Friends on the bus, (tami & tuvan)

13. Late nights that turn into mornings.

14. "Jesus take the wheel" moments.

15. North Hennepin print jobs.

2008-2009
1. Finally changing my major. Elementary education, here I come.

2. Intro to El Ed, best professor I have ever had.

3. Trying times with the BFF.

4. Willey Hall to Peik Hall dashes.

5. Lunch in Human Evolution lectures.

6. I met Chong and Sean in Human Evolution class.

7. Trying Five Guys.

8. Stars, always looking up at them.

9. Salvation Army bell ringing.

10. First and last Juicy Lucy I've ever had.

2009-2010

1. Meeting chow, book buy day.

2. KSA pres. lol.

3. Talks about 'our boys' based at Qdoba.

4. Not-so-silent movies.

5.  Gogo Haircut, I never let my hair down.

6. Science Museum, the brightest, fullest moon over the river.

7. Foshay Tower. The freezing below 0 day, the fact that I didn't even notice.

8. Goodbyes, they're so bittersweet.

9. Dennys, crucial time at dennys.

10. happy days, I remember many of them.

2010-2011

1. Flying into a foreign country without a place to stay for the night. Also, having a sense of fearlessness in spite of it.

2. Meeting and becoming family with a group of people I could never relate with. Irreplaceable relationships for the win.

3. 100% confidence. The fact that I loved myself. The self worth I'd never felt I had.

4. Bondi beach. Thanksgiving.

5. Knowing all the support I have from back home.

6. feeling out of place.

7. Coffman chairs, you know where to find me.

8. Tuesdays. my dates with my girls gave me my weekly dose of sanity

9. Interviews, lots of them.

10. Walking, hugging the most inspirational character in my life on stage, and celebrating with my family.



These stand out but really, I have so much stored up in that brain of mine. I reckon part of the reason why I have such a hard time remember exam material is due to my photographic memory. I can't believe I've made it this far, and Lord only knows what kind of trouble I am bound for. In reference to a great commencement speech I heard I am going to reboot my life. Before I do so, I felt the need to close this chapter of my life, put it under lock and key to preserve it and just keep truckin' forth.


Cheers to new milestones.

Vu

invisible chains

Why must we all inhibit ourselves?

A book I'm currently buried in raises this question and I have been pondering this since my break in Oz. Why do I have to look perfect all the time? Why can't I have my dessert with my meal? Why can't I do what I want without feeling bad about the income? Why do I have to stay in on nights because I'm a girl? Why is a squeeky clean reputation matter? Why does my reputation matter?

After I'd settled into my new surrounding, I was COMFORTABLE in my own skin. This went on for two solid months, sheer bliss and I was able to take in deep breaths of carelessness. I didn't have to think about what I ate, I walked around in a bikini with the confidence of a vs model. Liberation never felt so...natural. I had always had this potential within me all along, I was just never given the opportunity to just.let.go. As great as this was, it has brought me to deeper lows of dissatisfaction upon my return. I can't recreate this feeling, not here at least. Not so long as I am constantly under the critical eye of my opinionated mother and compared to stick thin acquaintances. Sure, I have a great personality ( for the most part) let's face it, it only counts for so much.

CAN I EAT A CUP CAKE WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY...?

What keeps us from going for what we want? Why can't we follow our dreams even though we won't make much money? Why is it that you can't have someone you want? Why must we all be wrapped in chains about everything?

What's the point of choice anyways?

Sigh, unanswered questions are enough to keep a girl up at night.

lesson learned...again.

"When did I decide to accept that as a limitation?"

An inspiring speech on youtube ( my best past time) got me thinking. He asked a question that is now churning my gears as I type, " when did I decide that as a limitation?". As I reflect on my life in search of the answer to this question, I came to the realization that half the 'limitations' I have stemmed from child hood experiences. Here's where child psychology meets the here and now. We are no longer children of those care free days, we are adults, prepetuating the lessons we learned so long ago. Half of the limitations I think that I have are limitations I found out I had before I even turned 10. Ironic how I decided that when I was 10 and kept believing it since now.

I'm going to take a moment to break this down and tear the cycle.

I am not intelligent 
This was learned when I was young, marked by when my little sister started school. My mom compared the performance of each of us and had told everyone that the younger daughter was smaller than her eldest. That's when it all began. I never realized such a deficit, not until everyone told me it was 'true'. From Grandma to aunts to cousins, this tid bit was reinforced consistently and before I knew it...I believed it. That's when the self fufilling prophecy comes into play and my performance reflected what everyone had said. I hated myself for this, but I didn't feel as if it was something I could change, all I could do was pray to God asking why he hadn't made me as smart. It felt so out of my control; it had, after all, been like this for as long as I could remember. I defied all of this in high school...until college hit me. With all my life lessons happening to  me, my academic lessons were ignored. I fell back into the dark whole of  'If I only had a brain' and I'm dealing with this lesson all over again.

I am a pushover
Allowing my parents to continue to raise me past the age of 18 does not make me a pushover. When I feel as if it's good for me, I'll comply. If it's something so little as going to a birthday party, it won't break my heart to miss it. My parents didn't want me to go to Aus when I applied, I'll stick up for myself when I feel it really matters.
Exception is in relationships. I always trust that the person I'm with honestly cares about me and when I comply to whatever, whether it is where we go eat, or the terms of our relationship. I've been wrong in this, I'm not sure if it was the choice in person or if all of them will have it in for himself- I won't risk it. I double dare the next one to try me.

These don't come off at the top of my head because they are all so second nature to me. I'll add as they pop up in my head. For what its worth, I will work on the ones I've thought of now and keep adding to this as I see fit.

Here's to correcting old lessons.