I got to the finish line early so as to not miss their triumphant crossing of the finish line. I missed it for Nick's half marathon because I had to drive over from my 7k. I picked a spot among the cheering crowd a couple feet in front of the finish line. It was 30 minutes before Nick and Giang end up crossing the finish, but in my wait, I cheered for so many others vying for that finish line. I couldn't help but feel their joy, pride, relief one by one as they cross the line. We all clapped and yelped at everyone as they close the distance between them and the finish. It was awe-inspiring. The runners were of all walks of life, body types, ethnic backgrounds. Some ran alone, some ran with their buddies, and couples ran holding hands. There was a father who ran with a stroller of two little kids, as he approached the finish, he let them get out and cross the finish line with him. A couple ran across holding hands up in the air and after they crossed, the guy got down on one knee and proposed. Seeing all of this brought a rise of all sorts of emotion. I've been having a particularly rough weekend and I seemed to have leeched off what everyone who was crossing the line was feeling. I was so excited for them it made me want to cry...
I saw determination in the eyes of all of the runners, they are fixated on the banner with FINISH boldly printed. I felt fire radiating off everyone who was approaching the end of their race. It was amazing how this fire is expressed differently in everyone. It made me want to run again. I realized how addicted I am to feeling like I completed, finished, achieved a goal of mine. Hence the excitement when I ran the other races, or when I complete teacher training...I NEED A WIN in my life again. I decided as I was clapping and yelping for all the runners today, that I will lace up my own shoes, have the same FIRE in my eyes as I approach my own finish line.
It just makes me think of how we all need this in life, I'm addicted to this feeling, and yet, navigating my career life and finding a finish line for that has been the biggest challenge I've ever had. I can't seem to put my finger on a job that I would enjoy, that would employ my gifts, that I could feel that much determination and excitement for. I don't believe I've ever put forth 100% on anything and I wonder why that is. What is it that bars me from it? Why am I low-balling job wise, and how do I break this cycle?
I don't think I can afford it, but I'm going to gift myself this run. I want Nick to cheer me on my finish, and I want this girl to be on FIRE once again.
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